in my choir class, ( mens choir^^), i cant help but look at everyone. the two specifically are shane and anthony. they are complete opposites but i love them both.
shane is the cute one. he is really funny and, unlike everyone else, he actually enjoys what he does. he has a smile that could melt your heart and brown eyes like a puppy!^^ god! it feels like butterflies in my stomach just picturing him!
then theres anthony. anthony is the hot one. broad ish sholders, beautiful hair, ( fantastic butt^^), he is a hot child. he is also a trouble maker, doesnt care for the class at all, and has posture issues.
now you can see my predicament: go for a relationship or for lust. personally i want a relationship.
now comes the sad part. when i posted the going to write about next note, i was pretty confident about both of them. but now, i realize that even if they liked guys, could they really like me. shane, the cute one, sits right in front of me in that class and he usually looks at me alot, but recently, hes been looking at the guy next to him and mabe at me once or twice. and when he does, i dont know what to do! you already know that my school is comfortable with everything, so when boys act gay, you really cant tell if they are or not because there so good at it. ive done smiles, hugs, conversations, i even asked how his da was. T^T
another obvious problem is that i have alex right next to me! hes not gay, i know that, but when people look back and see us locking arms, tickling each other, saying i love you, it kinda looks like were dating. u read that story already ( if you havent its V -down there -V), so you know our friendship. but that leaves me with just a friend and a bunch of unsuspected possibilities shut down. they look at us and i know exactly what there thinking!
i just feel empty when i think about that...
.//kyros
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the life of a boy, growing in an accepting community, learning how to spread his wings and fly life's current~
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6 comments:
Trouble in paradise aye? lol
I wouldn't feel empty if i were you. It sounds like you've got things going pretty good. :P
If you're worried about what they think, you could always try being honest. :)
===>mirrorboy<===
Yea I agree with mboy- if this is normal and accepted in your school then whats the worst that can happen...but where do you live, like France or some other planet where 15 year old guys aren't ridiculously homophobic and awful!? I want to go there (or at least I would've wanted to when I was in HS)
Good luck! Keep up posted!
Steve
So I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest something totally crazy and insane.
Why don't you ask shane out on a date??
I also agree with aron, what is the worst that could happen? Ask him to lunch or diner or even to the movie some time. He probably already knows your gay and you say he talks to you and looks at you so he must not have a problem with you being gay. You never know, he might be gay to but not out yet.
Good luck and be strong.
Hey Kyros, love the blog.
I agree with Aron too. If you just ask him if he wants to go to the movies with you or something like that, you can always pretend you just meant as friends. And don't feel empty. You sound like you have some really great friends, and an awesome school. Just chillax and enjoy it.
thats hard ...
i mean... when we dont have enough space or acceptance, we have troubles... when we have all of it and even more, its so easy that it becomes hard....
basically, is like arriving in a parking lot with so many empty lots that you cant decide where to park...
kyros, your posts are always SOOOO deep... congrats!
raphA
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