to all the new people to my blog, thx for subscribing!^^ and i would like to ask that you read the beginning posts because they help you understand exactly what im talking about!X3, once again, thx.^^ peace
.//kyros
25 January 2009
24 January 2009
big ideas!
its been so long since ive gotten on and im really sorry again. so this time, im going to give the scoop on alot of different aspects that have changed.
anthony and shane: ive decided that im going to simply accept them as just friends, and if anything happens <3, then anything happens
anthony: my school went to disney land and i didnt go so one of my friends brought me back a lollipop. then all that day, ( because it stuck out of my pocket) people kept steeling it from me. so i had to keep taking it back. then anthony took it and hid it in his lap while sitting in a huddled position. i walked over, slid my hand right into his lap, and pulled it out. the top of the sucker was almost directly on his crotch, a centimeter more and i would have been raping him. but im a good person and i didnt. surprisingly, his reaction to my hand near his crotch wasnt shocked ( like everyone elses near us). he was actually relaxed the entire time, didnt say anything pointing out that i almost violated him. it was almost like he enjoyed it. im going to keep you updated on this one...^^
alex: the girl alex was obsessed with is going out with his best friend. hes ok with it but still, i feel sorry for him. he feels kinda like a loser.
he still tells me he loves me and now he says he wishes he were gay so he could love me T^T, its really cute and sad at the same time. he is the best guy friend i could ask for. he says he doesnt know why i love him so much, and i think that despite everything, he's still a good person, and thats why.^^hes another person that i just cant live without in my life. and so im going to stand by him through everything!
emmi: i dont know if i told you guys this before, but emmi is the one that outed my homosexuality to my entire grade. now dont get me wrong, i love the girl to death, but that just pissed me off a little. i was doing ashow with her and one day she asked me if i was gay and i said yes. so naturally, when you tell someone sompthing as important as that, they wouldnt idely throw it around. so the first day of school came, we all were together in one clump to represent our grade and she sat on my lap and was being really touchy feely. when people came over she would say stuff like, " oh, dont worry, hes gay" and, im not doing anything, he les boys anyway" . this was the time when i was afraid to tell people outside of my closest friend circle. this was the time when i was scared that all my guy friends would treat me different and all the girls wouldnt shut up about there buisness. i didnt want to bee seen as that gay guy named ___, i wanted to be seen as myself with that as a simple charicteristic. at that moment, i wanted to beat her head off! but then i noticed that people accepted it, and some people even praised me for it, so it was ok.
the odd thing now is that she is openly a lesbian and she didnt say anything back then. now she has a girlfriend and is telling everyone. now here comes the net part:
i hope i dont affend anyone but lesbians confuse me. it can be said that most gay guys are born that way and that they attract eachother with feelings ( mostly sexual) , while lesbians dont have as much pull. some girls become lesbians because there tired of men and they need someone more understanding. but that would mean they are looking for love and yet all i see is a lustful friendship. guys have guy friends that they have fun with and they talk about girls with, and girls have there girls to talk about boys with. however, which group do you think has the potential to be closer. you dont see the straight boys holding hands and kissing because there tired of women. its not that easy. men are eather gay, or they stay away from that type of relationship. but women can simply be justified as lonely girls simply wanting a taste of the wild side.now hear this, im not against lesbians, i just simply dont understand the feelings brought on in the partnership.
(now please, dont comment on this particular issue, i dont want alot of debate about it, its just what i think. i also will never push these ieas onto anyone i know. im just sharing a thought i had. one more thing, remember that im realy not a mean person, because i dont want to be seen as one, i just enjoy sharing ideas with you all. please dont gt angry at me.)
thats the scoop for now, i made some adds to the friends chart which are going to be key for understanding the new stuff to come. the info in theredish color is all updates. i will update each time with a different color^^, ok thats it for now, peace~
.//kyros
anthony and shane: ive decided that im going to simply accept them as just friends, and if anything happens <3, then anything happens
anthony: my school went to disney land and i didnt go so one of my friends brought me back a lollipop. then all that day, ( because it stuck out of my pocket) people kept steeling it from me. so i had to keep taking it back. then anthony took it and hid it in his lap while sitting in a huddled position. i walked over, slid my hand right into his lap, and pulled it out. the top of the sucker was almost directly on his crotch, a centimeter more and i would have been raping him. but im a good person and i didnt. surprisingly, his reaction to my hand near his crotch wasnt shocked ( like everyone elses near us). he was actually relaxed the entire time, didnt say anything pointing out that i almost violated him. it was almost like he enjoyed it. im going to keep you updated on this one...^^
alex: the girl alex was obsessed with is going out with his best friend. hes ok with it but still, i feel sorry for him. he feels kinda like a loser.
he still tells me he loves me and now he says he wishes he were gay so he could love me T^T, its really cute and sad at the same time. he is the best guy friend i could ask for. he says he doesnt know why i love him so much, and i think that despite everything, he's still a good person, and thats why.^^hes another person that i just cant live without in my life. and so im going to stand by him through everything!
emmi: i dont know if i told you guys this before, but emmi is the one that outed my homosexuality to my entire grade. now dont get me wrong, i love the girl to death, but that just pissed me off a little. i was doing ashow with her and one day she asked me if i was gay and i said yes. so naturally, when you tell someone sompthing as important as that, they wouldnt idely throw it around. so the first day of school came, we all were together in one clump to represent our grade and she sat on my lap and was being really touchy feely. when people came over she would say stuff like, " oh, dont worry, hes gay" and, im not doing anything, he les boys anyway" . this was the time when i was afraid to tell people outside of my closest friend circle. this was the time when i was scared that all my guy friends would treat me different and all the girls wouldnt shut up about there buisness. i didnt want to bee seen as that gay guy named ___, i wanted to be seen as myself with that as a simple charicteristic. at that moment, i wanted to beat her head off! but then i noticed that people accepted it, and some people even praised me for it, so it was ok.
the odd thing now is that she is openly a lesbian and she didnt say anything back then. now she has a girlfriend and is telling everyone. now here comes the net part:
i hope i dont affend anyone but lesbians confuse me. it can be said that most gay guys are born that way and that they attract eachother with feelings ( mostly sexual) , while lesbians dont have as much pull. some girls become lesbians because there tired of men and they need someone more understanding. but that would mean they are looking for love and yet all i see is a lustful friendship. guys have guy friends that they have fun with and they talk about girls with, and girls have there girls to talk about boys with. however, which group do you think has the potential to be closer. you dont see the straight boys holding hands and kissing because there tired of women. its not that easy. men are eather gay, or they stay away from that type of relationship. but women can simply be justified as lonely girls simply wanting a taste of the wild side.now hear this, im not against lesbians, i just simply dont understand the feelings brought on in the partnership.
(now please, dont comment on this particular issue, i dont want alot of debate about it, its just what i think. i also will never push these ieas onto anyone i know. im just sharing a thought i had. one more thing, remember that im realy not a mean person, because i dont want to be seen as one, i just enjoy sharing ideas with you all. please dont gt angry at me.)
thats the scoop for now, i made some adds to the friends chart which are going to be key for understanding the new stuff to come. the info in theredish color is all updates. i will update each time with a different color^^, ok thats it for now, peace~
.//kyros
13 January 2009
eric^^
thank you all for the advice last post, it really made me feel better. my day was endless and im kinda tired. anywho, heres my story on eric.
before there was anyone else, any obsessions, anything, there was eric. eric is the one and only guy that has consumed my heart entirely for a long time.
back when i was first dealing with my sexuality ( about 10yo) and came to my wonderful school, i met all the people i talk about and more. eric is one of us, the pure ones, who have stayed and are going to stay the entire trip through my school. in the beginning, he wasnt really seen all that much. he was that kid who never really stood out. i didnt really even talk to him until about a year later. i remember in my second sumester in 7th grade, i was obsessed with him. i would think about what i would say to him the next day before i went to bed. i was OBSESSED!
so i tried hittng on him, but like in my last post, you can never really tell whos gay or not. on the last day of school he wrote that he was gay ( he was kidding :[ ) and that he loved me. i wrote the same in his. then i went obsessive crazy over that summer( i mean serious, constant planning on what to say) to come back and find out he acted the same as when we last saw eachother.
as time went on, i eventually accepted that he was strait and that i could never have him as a full on lover. yet he is a really good friend, knows im gay, knows i love him, and lets me touch him when i want ;P. he loves me in a non-gay man to man way, like alex does. im in a bad with him and we have alot of fun.
thx for readin another about another one of my obsessionsXD
before there was anyone else, any obsessions, anything, there was eric. eric is the one and only guy that has consumed my heart entirely for a long time.
back when i was first dealing with my sexuality ( about 10yo) and came to my wonderful school, i met all the people i talk about and more. eric is one of us, the pure ones, who have stayed and are going to stay the entire trip through my school. in the beginning, he wasnt really seen all that much. he was that kid who never really stood out. i didnt really even talk to him until about a year later. i remember in my second sumester in 7th grade, i was obsessed with him. i would think about what i would say to him the next day before i went to bed. i was OBSESSED!
so i tried hittng on him, but like in my last post, you can never really tell whos gay or not. on the last day of school he wrote that he was gay ( he was kidding :[ ) and that he loved me. i wrote the same in his. then i went obsessive crazy over that summer( i mean serious, constant planning on what to say) to come back and find out he acted the same as when we last saw eachother.
as time went on, i eventually accepted that he was strait and that i could never have him as a full on lover. yet he is a really good friend, knows im gay, knows i love him, and lets me touch him when i want ;P. he loves me in a non-gay man to man way, like alex does. im in a bad with him and we have alot of fun.
thx for readin another about another one of my obsessionsXD
08 January 2009
desperate love
in my choir class, ( mens choir^^), i cant help but look at everyone. the two specifically are shane and anthony. they are complete opposites but i love them both.
shane is the cute one. he is really funny and, unlike everyone else, he actually enjoys what he does. he has a smile that could melt your heart and brown eyes like a puppy!^^ god! it feels like butterflies in my stomach just picturing him!
then theres anthony. anthony is the hot one. broad ish sholders, beautiful hair, ( fantastic butt^^), he is a hot child. he is also a trouble maker, doesnt care for the class at all, and has posture issues.
now you can see my predicament: go for a relationship or for lust. personally i want a relationship.
now comes the sad part. when i posted the going to write about next note, i was pretty confident about both of them. but now, i realize that even if they liked guys, could they really like me. shane, the cute one, sits right in front of me in that class and he usually looks at me alot, but recently, hes been looking at the guy next to him and mabe at me once or twice. and when he does, i dont know what to do! you already know that my school is comfortable with everything, so when boys act gay, you really cant tell if they are or not because there so good at it. ive done smiles, hugs, conversations, i even asked how his da was. T^T
another obvious problem is that i have alex right next to me! hes not gay, i know that, but when people look back and see us locking arms, tickling each other, saying i love you, it kinda looks like were dating. u read that story already ( if you havent its V -down there -V), so you know our friendship. but that leaves me with just a friend and a bunch of unsuspected possibilities shut down. they look at us and i know exactly what there thinking!
i just feel empty when i think about that...
.//kyros
shane is the cute one. he is really funny and, unlike everyone else, he actually enjoys what he does. he has a smile that could melt your heart and brown eyes like a puppy!^^ god! it feels like butterflies in my stomach just picturing him!
then theres anthony. anthony is the hot one. broad ish sholders, beautiful hair, ( fantastic butt^^), he is a hot child. he is also a trouble maker, doesnt care for the class at all, and has posture issues.
now you can see my predicament: go for a relationship or for lust. personally i want a relationship.
now comes the sad part. when i posted the going to write about next note, i was pretty confident about both of them. but now, i realize that even if they liked guys, could they really like me. shane, the cute one, sits right in front of me in that class and he usually looks at me alot, but recently, hes been looking at the guy next to him and mabe at me once or twice. and when he does, i dont know what to do! you already know that my school is comfortable with everything, so when boys act gay, you really cant tell if they are or not because there so good at it. ive done smiles, hugs, conversations, i even asked how his da was. T^T
another obvious problem is that i have alex right next to me! hes not gay, i know that, but when people look back and see us locking arms, tickling each other, saying i love you, it kinda looks like were dating. u read that story already ( if you havent its V -down there -V), so you know our friendship. but that leaves me with just a friend and a bunch of unsuspected possibilities shut down. they look at us and i know exactly what there thinking!
i just feel empty when i think about that...
.//kyros
06 January 2009
another sorry
im sorry again for not being able to post. im soo busy. the point is im going to rty to post something ether tonight or tomorrow night. ok. bye for now^^
.// kyros
.// kyros
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