im sorry i havent been on in forever. my week was more than busy and ive really missed writing. i cant explain now, for it is way too late, but i will later write on

~billy elliot

~ the scoop on alex

~ an add on my characters list^^

~ my desperate love between two younger boys ( shane + anthony)

~my obsession for eric ( ill ass him later)

school~

( influenced to write this from steevo)





my school, as youve read, is very interesting. let me explain





the students at my school are all the ones who, anywhere else, would be talked about for hating sports, loving music, being openly perverted ( inside we are all perverted, its instinct), being gay, lesbian, or even black. at my school, racism is not a problem, we joke about it sometimes only because we know the struggles people have gone through, and how the negative, abusive, and drastic means of segrigation should stop. everyone should know that your race is a part of you, and it should be presented, but not in a negative form. i represent myself as an african american, but also as that guy you talked to on the bus, or the friend that took you to the dance when nobody else would, not out of pity, but out of friendship. all these things are me and i wont flaunt them , i wont tease others for not having what i have, i wont redicule, i wont hate. i will only accept who i am.


steriotypes are non-existant. emo, goth, are words that dont exist. they have been turned into a steriotype for judging people who have problems, or arent in the best living conditions. people who try to fit a frame that doesn't exist, only get lost on the path of finding it. people like that do exist, and when i see them i wonder, who are they really?


gangster is a term used only around haloween, ya thats right, we sometimes dress up like steriotypes. what a gangster really is is a person neglected love and care, and end up with people who are the first to recignize you as a person, aka your "home boys". they are fuled by the idea that when life treats you rough, treat it the same way. at my school, we dont partake in gangs, vandalism, or bashing of any sort because we all love each other and we charish the unique place we reside at for school. no matter how hard life is, we always know that school will be our safe haven from negative influence.



the word fag is never even mentioned because its derogatory and used so much to degrade other people. yes, we are people, and we are treated as such at my school. i love it soo much because i am able to express myself freely, knowing that there isnt anyone talking about me, or trying to hurt me, because they all support me. guys at my school, gay and straight, dont go up to eachother and say, " hey dog, whuts up. ai aight, peace", they go, " danny!!!!!!!* dramatic run, jump, hug*", and talk about living freely. each guy at my school is not showcasing himself to be accepted, each guy presents himself and simply lives the way they were made to. they dont have to fake, they dont have to be a steriotype, they just have to be themselves.



popularity. what kind of school doesnt have it. i will admit, their are popular kids, but there are only like400 kids at my school, with like 50 in each grade, how popular could you get? everyone who puts themself out there to live life to the fullest is well known at my school for not being afraid to express themselves. thats my definition of popular, and thats what most people are. the people that dont really like being caught up in everything ( the things you get caught in are positive!!!), get as known as they want to be. there also is no grade segragation. i hang out with seniors and juniors and 6th and 7th graders. age really doesent matter. there have even been relationships between kids 2 grades apart. sure thats kinda pushing it, but it happens. we all eat together at lunch, not in a big cafeteria ( we use church space and space across a street occupied by 2 other schools as a campus. we dont have a cafeteria. we all sit ether in the gardenish open area outside or in the big room with the stage in it. there are doors that connect both areas. we order food off of a truck {called the ralph's truck}), and we all talk to eachother. at lunch, i go around and talk to everyone^^

ok. now that the people are done, lets talk about the school.

my school was created only like mabe 20 years ago by a guy who is still living. he made the school because he thought the arts should be just as important as academics, which brings up my schedual.
scheduals are generally as such:
we goto are academic classes for the morning. then, after lunch, we goto our arts classes. we do all the insruments ( full orchestra, band, guitar, piano), choir ( our choirs are the bomb!XD), ballet, and drama. we have a partnership with a ballet school ( we go there for free{ the place is usually expensive, i went there for 3 years when i was younger}) and there is a thearter right across the street so we use that too.
my school ranges from 6th to 12th, and the people that stay all the way through have such a wonderful time. i started in 6th and im definitly staying all the way through.
the reason people leave is because the want the public school experience ( the aparently dont like knowing everyone), or there kicked out ( which only happened once so far, he brought firecrakers and set them off in the trash can. he has a sibling that goes here and my sister is friends with his sister. he is also very hot, actually, i saw him today! i gave him my number again so we could hang. hes straight but he is still really cool^^)

thats it for now, ill probly add some more later if i have the urge, my fingers are tired. peace.^^

vacation

so as you know, i went to cali for the weekend to see family and have fun for thanksgiving. personally, i dont really like thanksgiving food so i didnt eat much, but the hilight of the trip was the fun i had at venice beach.
we chilled on the beach for a while, then me and my couseins ( ill add them to the friend ref later) went searching through the little shops and stuff there. the stuff was cool,( i bought 2 belts and a lamp^^), but the boys!!!!! ^^ i was in heaven! while iwas waiting for my cousin to buy her pizza, there was this guy right by me. cute face, cool style, sweet eyes. and he was staring right at me. he was only like 3 ft away! he was looking at me, and usually you would look away after the person looked at you, twice. he shyly just kept looking. i finally looked up a third time ( he was still staring) and smiled. he smiled back! i was going to go over and kinda talk to him, then i saw his father right next to me, staring at me too. his eyes said, what r u duing, so i backed off. so instead i smiled again, and walked. ( i dought i could keep a long distance relationship going, but he was soo hott!T^T). next there was this guy on a bike. i saw him alot during this day. he had dreamy grean blue eyes. the first time, he was just chilling and then i stood there, waiting for my cousin to come out of the bathroom, and i couldn't keep my eyes off of him. when i walked away, he was watching only me. then later, we were coming bak from chilling on the beach again, and i acidentally stood in the middle of the bike path and almost got hit. we were standing near it for a while, then all of the sudden, he is slowly riding by. he looks at me and automaticly just turns around and rides away. he was really shy.
as i was leaving, this guy that was walking in my direction spots me. he smiles and was staring at me so much, he tripped! that was a hilight of my trip aswell. he was alot older than me ( looked 22 ish) so i couldnt act on it, but i probly would have if i was older and wasnt with my cousins ( they dont know im gay yet).
so that was pretty much my trip. thanks for reading.

~character list~

hey, im sorry i havent talked in a while. ive been busy with alot. before i talk about my vacation, let me add some more characters to my life.
friends:

i have the coolest friends in the world! even though i have so many ( everyone is my friendXD), i will always and forever love my group.

Ashely~ the only person i got back in touch with after my 5 years in ballet. she introduced me to everyone else in this section.

Shelby~ she is one of the coolest people i know and there is no dought in my mind that i will know her for the rest of my life. black foo's fo life^^

verity~ she is my only Korean friend and the best i could ever have. in just these past 2 quarters, i have gotten so close to her that i will never want to live without her in my life. she is the one that gave me the awsum nickname of kawaii-chan^^!!

emily~ just like VT, i have gotten so close to her and all three of us make an awsum asian loving, character drawing bunch! shes the sweetest girl ever. the only problem is that she cant trust boys, cuz she s scared she will get hurt. ive tried to help her commit, but it only gets so far. shes let go of 2 great guys, and i hope this pattern doesent continue, i want her to be happy!^^

sabrina~ she is my friend for life! i love the gurl and what can i say, SHE IS THE SHIZ!

Family:

mom- my mom is a child psychologist and she would completely understand and be fine with it if i told her i was gay. she is hard to deal with at times ( the understands children so i cant get away with anything) but i love her regardless.

dad- my mom and dad got divorced but i see him almost every weekend. they broke up only because my dad wanted to travel and my mom isnt really that type. they still communicate so thats good. there like friends almost. anyway, my dad works with computers, delivers luggage, and works for a journal about electronics. he is soo cool, i luv him lotz!

brother- im pretty sure he knows im gay ( he walked in on me and some material, more than once) and he's dealing with it pretty well. he is my exact opposite in just about everything except for the love of games, music, and fun.

sister- what can i say, she is really annoying but she is still my sister

step dad- he is into the arts, we have conversations, and he uses me as inspiration in most art things he does.^^

others:
these are still friends mostly, just not my main chums^^

shane- he is 2 years younger than me but he is still amazing. i would say i like him, he is one person i can have an actual normal conversation with. he is truely a really sweet guy and he is really cute. i love the way he smiles^^he is in my choir class. i helped get him a girlfriend. hes really bad with girls!!xD but unlike anthony, hes a rly good kid, and i kno he can atleast become a professional model!!xD

anthony- he is 2 years younger than me and really cute. he is more of a trouble maker, but that just adds to the cuteness of him. he has a wonderful body and a really boyish personality. i like him too^^ . i realized that looks dont completely matter. its whats inside that counts. inside, hes as rotten as ever... ive severed contact.

gabe- he is also 2 years younger, he thinks of me as a role model, i luv his eyes. he is in my choir class. he invited me as the only 9th grader to his barmitsfa(spelled wrong?) and thinks of me as kindof a role model. hes a good kid^^

jan ( yon)- he is a potential boyfriend and a pretty cool person. the bi guy in my grade asked him out and he said he wasnt gay, but that could have been because of ( reasons stated below)
(recent): i dont like him that much anymore. he went out with a black girl and his parents made them brake up because they dont like back people...>.> he also really isnt gay. i cant believe it eather, but he went bi for me!!!!!8D, ill explain in later post!!

kinkaid- aka bi guy. he is really creepy. he comes from a strict Cristian background and thats probly a part of it. he is just not likable because, it seems to me, he thinks of himself as worthless so he praises other people too much and takes everything too seriously. sierra ( below) makes fun of him and he encourages it just to be known. im one of the nicest people you'd meet at my school, but he i just sickening. another thing is that because i am a really good singer and im asked to do alot because of it, im trying to upstage him and prove im better. i pretty much am ( not bragging, i hate bragging about myself) but i dont flaunt it. with a gift from god that i have, why would i ever parade it around when it was given to serve.
the way he came out was at a party with the gossip kings and Queens from my school who anyone with common sense would never tell a secret. the next day, everyone knew and it made him kindof happy in a way. he just has it bad and on top of that needs attention. i know i seem harsh but i tell what i observe and i think its just sad. he liked jan... and hes gunna be jealous...

sierra- she is a more than amazing singer ( by far better than me) and has an enormous personality. its kind of much right now, but when we get older, it will be soo much fun to hang with her.

emmi- she is such a cool person and i love her to death. multipal guys wanted her at my school. one still does, even though he knows now that she is a lesbian. she has a girl friend who at first i thought was a bitch but now i think shes pretty cool. that might be because im on her good side... im starting not to like her much. shes kinda.. a bitch. she thinks im stuped or sumpthin. im sick of it....

katcha- her real name is katie but she likes katcha better.^^ i also love her to death and i will probably know her for the rest of my life. shes going out with danny ( youll understant the significance later). dumped him, now with alex!!^^

eric- the straight love of my life. he knows i like him and hes ok with it; its like a boosted friendship^^

alex- if youve read the section devoted to him, you would already know the general. (recent) alex has given up on katcha, he still thinks about her, but its lessened. now danny, one of his best friends, is going out with her. hes fine with it but it happened really fast and now he kinda feels like a loser. news!!! katcha dumped the danny loser, and decided to take a chance on alex!!!!!! its sofar been the best thing for him^^, im soo happy and love them both to death. their such a cute couple!!^^

i will add more later, so just use these as references when i talk about them i the future^^

im going on vacation to cali, ill tell about it when i get back.

.//kyros

Alex~

now i know what could be thought, why am i posingone whole thing about one person. well, the truth is, i love him. he is also my best friend. he likes ( likes is an understatement, hes ubsessd.)this girl who is a friend of mine. during the show, the big black box ( the one i was taking about earlier), everyones everything came out. at that time we were friends, all three of us.

the open facts were:

• i was gay
• he was not
• he liked her
• she wanted to be friends
• he was( still kinda is) obsessed
• she is fed up with him
• im the negotiator between them
• they are some of my best friends, and now i cant hang with both of them together anymore

the internal ones were:

• i started to fall in love with him
• she could have ben with him, but he was just too mch to start with, she gave up the idea
• he is living a rough life and he needs all the good things he can get
• he has been rejected by love soo many times
• he takes rejection very seriously
• he thinks of himself as a lowly person
• " to live is to love, to love is to live, so if i cant love, why am i still living..." he said that...
• he treats me like he should treat a girlfriend, but somehow it doesnt come out right with them
• i told him " id stay with you forever" and he knows its true
• he denies that my feelings could ever be when i say i love him

i go for cute guys, and not just on the outside, but on the inside. he charishes me as a friend soo much, even though he is straight ( do think i stuped, i know him really well) he offered to give me my first kiss. how could you get sweeter than that. ive also done more things with him than with any other guy:

• i sit in his lap alot
• fingers through his hair
• he gives me piggy back rides, even though im his size
• ive held his hand( like couples do)
• ive shared a lolipop with him
• ive shared a fork with him
• ive shared icecream with him
• ive shared a meal with him
• ive given him a lapdance before ( dont judge me, im not a slut!XD)
• ive slow danced with him
• i even have a gay senior and a lesbian sophmore spying on us when one of us has to goto the bathroom and the other followsXD ( we really dont do anyhing)

once again, let me note that i go to a special school. there is no bias, no bulying, only a couple of kids that are really talked about ( and they brought it upon themselves), and the number one most important part, if your not open to gay, wether you are or not, you wont get very far socially with most people. that is what i mean when i say we are an open society and i am so priveledged to go here.

now that you kindof know the story, please let me know your ideas.

sincerely,

.//kyros

my week~ what a ride!!!

so it started out with homework, as usual. then on wednsday i had a rebooting period. i was soo down i even wrote a poem:

i look in the mirror and what do i see,

a poser is trying to pose just as me,

but if i am the poser; the poser is me,

then who is the poser trying to be?

ya, i know, depressing. the all the sudden BANG!! my life got soo much more exciting!
i went to thespian conference on friday to perform a one act ( i played an alluring box who consumes people by stripping them of there inner morals, belongings, and utter dignity until finally, i eat them. :X such a fun play!^^) and there were soo many beautiful gay guys i was almost consumed myself!XD it went great, we got a superior and were by far better than most performances the judges had seen in years! then afterwards, i had to leave ( im not a thespian yet but if i get into the school play, i will be come spring!!^^) and i partied on a bench with my friend alex. did i mention my friend alex? ill get to him next post. so any way, we have fun there, then i get picked up and taken to a singing competiton. i thought i did my songs pretty well ( i sung thou swell from my conneticut yankee, and wheels of a dream from ragtime) so i went home and ate. i come back the next day for a workshop ( it was soo much fun, anyways), then we got the news. there was a tie for third place ( one of my friends and this other kid) then they said there was no second place!!!! and nither me or my other friend had been called up yet. so, turns out they thought we both were so great we got a tie for 1st!!
then we went to my moms co-worker's wedding reception,( and ate all the food!). i came home and played games with my brother. and now im here.
thx for those who took the time to read, until next tme, salut^^
.//kyros

step 1; people who just want to talk^ ^

i need people who will want to discuss random topics like:
* which blue do you like best on a wall
* why are cows a jumpstart to a conversation
* who likes french ( j'aime le francais XD)

so anyone with interests, i can probably math them so plz talk to me^^!

Opening Night

Welcome, welcome young and old to a show filled with the experienced naieve concience of an adolecent mind. now let me assure you, this show wil not be in the least bit boring, so sit back, relax, and enjoy.^^