15, gay, and learning to live~

scariest day OF MY LIFE!!!!

2009-07-23T22:49:00.002-06:00

so i invited bradley over my house, while nobody was in but me. he lives 40 minutes away so it was a long time in which something could have gone wrong. thank god nothing did. so i was freaking out for 40 minutes when finally he got there! he came in with messy hair, a funny shirt and some kakis!^^
i showed him around the house and then we kissed a little in the kitchen. then we went into the living room onto the couch and kissed forever. he gave me my first kiss and it was magical!^^ then i told him he had to leave ( cuz we were pushing it on time, my mom was due to get home in like 15 min.) and he went to his car. i stopped him before he left and gave him one of my special pieces of jewelry, my FMA cross. he drove away and 5 inutes later my mom came home!!!!!
xD
if he got caught he would have been sent to jail, and i wouldnt have gotten half of the things i wanted for my birthday!!!
it was truely the scariest day of my life!^^

.//kyros~

new guy

2009-07-23T22:41:00.002-06:00

well its been a while, but im still here^^
so after the 7th (literally) try with janto get together, we decided to split up. it kinda made me sad, but it really wasnt getting anywhere. so i was single again and bored, and i happened to be on face book and decided to go find someone new. i have this r u interested app on there and i started using it again. thats how i met him^^
his name is bradley
he's 18
he's really not normal (and i like it xD)
so i started talking to him and more and more we started to have things in common. now what ur thinking, like everybody else does, but hes not a pedofile, stalker, or rapist!xD hes just a guy who fell in love. i think hes cute and he treats me well, ill get to more specific events in my next post.
so basically, i love him!^^ not much more to say~

.//kyros

i outed to MY MOTHER!

2009-06-30T02:53:00.002-06:00

yeah, thats right. i told her everything. the best and worse part of having a childrens psychologist as a mother is that they understand you. my mom was completely ok with it, and i kinda knew she would be. i dont know why i ever kept it from her. i mean, has anyone ever felt that keeping a secret to yourself gave you a feeling of self richeousness? i felt kindof dizzy after it all, but it was a more free feeling. my whole reason for telling her in the first place wasnt just to let her know. it was more about me, rising to another level in life. and i feel that accomplishment now. it warms my heart to know that i have someone standing by me through all my troubles. i can tell her anything...except i dont really want to tell her im dating yet. that is a different story, and ill save it for another discussion.
i want you all to know that another part of the reason i did it was because i heard all the stories from you guys and was inspired^^ thanks for the extra push!
with love always,

.//kyros

his birthday

2009-06-30T02:40:00.002-06:00

he postponed it again!!
im not a full on religious guy, nor am i completely superstitious, but when plans dont work out 5 times in a row, my whole being tells me theres something wrong. i really didnt know what i was doing but i did something bad. i wass so frustrated and at the brink of insanity. i called him, he didnt pick up, and i told him that we should just be friends, until school starts atleast. i was going talk to him about it, so he didnt feel bed, but he didnt answer. now all day today i called him an theres no answer. he ether lost his phone or he is really ignoring me. i dont know what to do...

.//kyros

real quick relationship stuff^^

2009-06-26T20:07:00.002-06:00

i got him a shirt with an apple juice carton rawring on it^^^
hes gunna love it!!
were goin to sunsplash for his birthday.
k gotta goes, peace

.//kyros~

the relationship, continued.

2009-06-24T01:27:00.003-06:00

currently, we havent seen eachother in person since we were in school.
the reasons:
well first of all, our mothers are the kind that shelter their children. except his mom is worse than mine. ive made 3 attempts so far to see him and theyve all failed cuz his mom wont let him do anything!!! she lets him know wheather or not the day of, leaving me in the dark until the very end, waiting only to have my hopes get shattered time and time again!!!
the first date i planned was to go with some fiends to an arts festival held downtown every first friday of every month. i ended up going and having a kinda fun time (i was with eric xD) but it would have been funner with him.
the next one was to the movies to see up. my plan was invite acouple people and tell them to not come, so it would end up just me and him. this wouldnt be unusual because when i plan things, my result always ends up with like one or two people coming ( i envited 7 eople to first fridays, one came...). everythignwas according to plan until he told me that morning that the only way it was going to happen was if it was at a thearter closer to him. guess what. it didnt happen.
the next one, i didnt even plan. we were both invited by a friend of mine and he wasnt able to go. thats good cuz i wasnt eather, but the end result is that i still didnt get to see him!
his birthday party is gunna be this sat, and i hope i can go, but u never know...
(his actual birthday was last sun!!^^)
anyways, ill tell u how it goes^^
till later, peace

.//kyros~^^

ok^^the relationsthip!!

2009-06-24T01:03:00.004-06:00

sorry for the longer than promised wait. this summer has been busier than i thought. and u guys have the right to be mad.

but on a lighter note,
my boyfriend!!!
well while i was away for like munths, i had to finish school. in fact i didnt even start dating till after school ended!!O.O
the story starts on a tuesday night, only like 3 days after school ended. i was txting him because i was bored and me and him would usually just fight and call eachother names (for fun of course)^^. so i was talking to him when all the sudden the conversation drifted to me talking about him being kindof attractive (i liked his hair!xD). so i already saw he dated a girl, so i asked him if hed want to broaden his horizons as a joke, and he said shure!
but thats not even the end of it...
we talked about stuff for a while and then i, under the impression that he understood the meaning of "broadening your horizons", asked him if he would have ever concidered dating me before? he said " u mean goin to hang out sumtimes? yeah sure." so i had to say " no i mean a relationship.. like dating" and he said he wasnt gay, even if he didnt know it yet. so i said "it never hurt to try" expecting the usuall responce of im strait. instead, he said " fine, your a nice person. i guess it never hurts to try."!!!^^
so after that we talked about personal things nd got to know eachother.
he told me that i shouldnt tell anyone about it, but i couldnt help it and it slipped...to every person from school i got in contact with, except the people i don like.
well ive never had a relationship before, but i guess ill just find out how it goes^^
i got a bi boy!!!^^
.//kyros~

updates!!

2009-06-15T00:18:00.002-06:00

updates!!!!!
my character list is revampped. i added the blue, so you can look for that^^
oh! and any comments about the character updates, you can put them on here. if u got anything to say to emily especially, it would rly help her.

well thats it for tonight. my bro is watching. ill add the rest to morrow!!^^
love you all,
peace

.//kyros

now hold on!!!!!!!...im back^^

2009-06-14T23:20:00.002-06:00

just when u thought i wuz gone!!!(i would have been in like an hour!!O.O)
i come with mucho news, and ill fill u in with it all momentarily. i just have to remember it all!
. updates on guys
. character list!!
. a lover!(ull love this one)
. my summer

if i remember anymore ill be sure to write them, so get ready to be blown away!!!^^

.//kyros^^

hiya!^^

2009-05-04T17:39:00.002-06:00

i knooo i really owe you guys an appology, you guys support my work even when im not here, and i thank you sooo much!
its nearing the end of the school year and theres alot that im duing right now, but don be worried, i will put my heart and soul into this blog with the time that ive missed.
stay tooned for a massave revamp on the characters list and believe me, ul like what i have to bring.
new boys
new friends
new fantasies
new crushes
and sompthing like a relationship?!?!?!
wait for this and im sure youll forgive my absence!
well bye for now, but i will be back!!!^^
love you all,

.//kyros~

bum bum bumm. naw jk

2009-03-01T20:58:00.001-07:00

well im really sorry i havent been on for like weeks now, im veryy verryyyyy busy. but i will write alot more soon. spring brake is in a week and then ill have time.

i have stories, youll be happy^^

meeaaawwww~

2009-02-10T23:39:00.002-07:00

thx u guys for the support. i was over reacting. they actually are kinda cute together^^. on top of that i think i might snag someone. cant talk now but i will get back to you guys^^, see u when i see u. oh! and happy almost valentines day, i hope u all have one, i might! well seya^^

~.//kyros

life sucks

2009-02-09T21:50:00.002-07:00

its been a while again, and im srry im not on more.

im really pissed!!! shane took my one chance at a guy. i went to school with him for like ever without knowing. his name is liam, cute, awsum hair, really nice. ive actually had conversations with him. then i found out today he was taken. i texted him sayin i love you, just for kids ( kinda) and he replied with aww im sorry im already taken by shane. WTF, that pisses me off. i love shane, i think hes cool and all, but i was working on this for a while then he steps into the picture ( this year!) AND TAKES HIM AWAY FROM ME. life sucks. im thinking of giving up on guys at my school. there are some, but they never work out. see there are some flaws to my school...

peace, kyros

2009-01-25T00:14:00.002-07:00

to all the new people to my blog, thx for subscribing!^^ and i would like to ask that you read the beginning posts because they help you understand exactly what im talking about!X3, once again, thx.^^ peace

.//kyros

big ideas!

2009-01-24T22:28:00.005-07:00

its been so long since ive gotten on and im really sorry again. so this time, im going to give the scoop on alot of different aspects that have changed.

anthony and shane: ive decided that im going to simply accept them as just friends, and if anything happens <3, then anything happens

anthony: my school went to disney land and i didnt go so one of my friends brought me back a lollipop. then all that day, ( because it stuck out of my pocket) people kept steeling it from me. so i had to keep taking it back. then anthony took it and hid it in his lap while sitting in a huddled position. i walked over, slid my hand right into his lap, and pulled it out. the top of the sucker was almost directly on his crotch, a centimeter more and i would have been raping him. but im a good person and i didnt. surprisingly, his reaction to my hand near his crotch wasnt shocked ( like everyone elses near us). he was actually relaxed the entire time, didnt say anything pointing out that i almost violated him. it was almost like he enjoyed it. im going to keep you updated on this one...^^

alex: the girl alex was obsessed with is going out with his best friend. hes ok with it but still, i feel sorry for him. he feels kinda like a loser.
he still tells me he loves me and now he says he wishes he were gay so he could love me T^T, its really cute and sad at the same time. he is the best guy friend i could ask for. he says he doesnt know why i love him so much, and i think that despite everything, he's still a good person, and thats why.^^hes another person that i just cant live without in my life. and so im going to stand by him through everything!

emmi: i dont know if i told you guys this before, but emmi is the one that outed my homosexuality to my entire grade. now dont get me wrong, i love the girl to death, but that just pissed me off a little. i was doing ashow with her and one day she asked me if i was gay and i said yes. so naturally, when you tell someone sompthing as important as that, they wouldnt idely throw it around. so the first day of school came, we all were together in one clump to represent our grade and she sat on my lap and was being really touchy feely. when people came over she would say stuff like, " oh, dont worry, hes gay" and, im not doing anything, he les boys anyway" . this was the time when i was afraid to tell people outside of my closest friend circle. this was the time when i was scared that all my guy friends would treat me different and all the girls wouldnt shut up about there buisness. i didnt want to bee seen as that gay guy named ___, i wanted to be seen as myself with that as a simple charicteristic. at that moment, i wanted to beat her head off! but then i noticed that people accepted it, and some people even praised me for it, so it was ok.
the odd thing now is that she is openly a lesbian and she didnt say anything back then. now she has a girlfriend and is telling everyone. now here comes the net part:
i hope i dont affend anyone but lesbians confuse me. it can be said that most gay guys are born that way and that they attract eachother with feelings ( mostly sexual) , while lesbians dont have as much pull. some girls become lesbians because there tired of men and they need someone more understanding. but that would mean they are looking for love and yet all i see is a lustful friendship. guys have guy friends that they have fun with and they talk about girls with, and girls have there girls to talk about boys with. however, which group do you think has the potential to be closer. you dont see the straight boys holding hands and kissing because there tired of women. its not that easy. men are eather gay, or they stay away from that type of relationship. but women can simply be justified as lonely girls simply wanting a taste of the wild side.now hear this, im not against lesbians, i just simply dont understand the feelings brought on in the partnership.
(now please, dont comment on this particular issue, i dont want alot of debate about it, its just what i think. i also will never push these ieas onto anyone i know. im just sharing a thought i had. one more thing, remember that im realy not a mean person, because i dont want to be seen as one, i just enjoy sharing ideas with you all. please dont gt angry at me.)

thats the scoop for now, i made some adds to the friends chart which are going to be key for understanding the new stuff to come. the info in theredish color is all updates. i will update each time with a different color^^, ok thats it for now, peace~

.//kyros

eric^^

2009-01-13T17:53:00.003-07:00

thank you all for the advice last post, it really made me feel better. my day was endless and im kinda tired. anywho, heres my story on eric.

before there was anyone else, any obsessions, anything, there was eric. eric is the one and only guy that has consumed my heart entirely for a long time.

back when i was first dealing with my sexuality ( about 10yo) and came to my wonderful school, i met all the people i talk about and more. eric is one of us, the pure ones, who have stayed and are going to stay the entire trip through my school. in the beginning, he wasnt really seen all that much. he was that kid who never really stood out. i didnt really even talk to him until about a year later. i remember in my second sumester in 7th grade, i was obsessed with him. i would think about what i would say to him the next day before i went to bed. i was OBSESSED!

so i tried hittng on him, but like in my last post, you can never really tell whos gay or not. on the last day of school he wrote that he was gay ( he was kidding :[ ) and that he loved me. i wrote the same in his. then i went obsessive crazy over that summer( i mean serious, constant planning on what to say) to come back and find out he acted the same as when we last saw eachother.

as time went on, i eventually accepted that he was strait and that i could never have him as a full on lover. yet he is a really good friend, knows im gay, knows i love him, and lets me touch him when i want ;P. he loves me in a non-gay man to man way, like alex does. im in a bad with him and we have alot of fun.

thx for readin another about another one of my obsessionsXD

desperate love

2009-01-08T23:03:00.002-07:00

in my choir class, ( mens choir^^), i cant help but look at everyone. the two specifically are shane and anthony. they are complete opposites but i love them both.

shane is the cute one. he is really funny and, unlike everyone else, he actually enjoys what he does. he has a smile that could melt your heart and brown eyes like a puppy!^^ god! it feels like butterflies in my stomach just picturing him!

then theres anthony. anthony is the hot one. broad ish sholders, beautiful hair, ( fantastic butt^^), he is a hot child. he is also a trouble maker, doesnt care for the class at all, and has posture issues.

now you can see my predicament: go for a relationship or for lust. personally i want a relationship.

now comes the sad part. when i posted the going to write about next note, i was pretty confident about both of them. but now, i realize that even if they liked guys, could they really like me. shane, the cute one, sits right in front of me in that class and he usually looks at me alot, but recently, hes been looking at the guy next to him and mabe at me once or twice. and when he does, i dont know what to do! you already know that my school is comfortable with everything, so when boys act gay, you really cant tell if they are or not because there so good at it. ive done smiles, hugs, conversations, i even asked how his da was. T^T
another obvious problem is that i have alex right next to me! hes not gay, i know that, but when people look back and see us locking arms, tickling each other, saying i love you, it kinda looks like were dating. u read that story already ( if you havent its V -down there -V), so you know our friendship. but that leaves me with just a friend and a bunch of unsuspected possibilities shut down. they look at us and i know exactly what there thinking!
i just feel empty when i think about that...

.//kyros

another sorry

2009-01-06T23:28:00.001-07:00

im sorry again for not being able to post. im soo busy. the point is im going to rty to post something ether tonight or tomorrow night. ok. bye for now^^
.// kyros

2008-12-23T01:07:00.003-07:00

im sorry i havent been on in forever. my week was more than busy and ive really missed writing. i cant explain now, for it is way too late, but i will later write on

~billy elliot

~ the scoop on alex

~ an add on my characters list^^

~ my desperate love between two younger boys ( shane + anthony)

~my obsession for eric ( ill ass him later)

school~

2008-12-03T18:20:00.005-07:00

( influenced to write this from steevo)

my school, as youve read, is very interesting. let me explain

the students at my school are all the ones who, anywhere else, would be talked about for hating sports, loving music, being openly perverted ( inside we are all perverted, its instinct), being gay, lesbian, or even black. at my school, racism is not a problem, we joke about it sometimes only because we know the struggles people have gone through, and how the negative, abusive, and drastic means of segrigation should stop. everyone should know that your race is a part of you, and it should be presented, but not in a negative form. i represent myself as an african american, but also as that guy you talked to on the bus, or the friend that took you to the dance when nobody else would, not out of pity, but out of friendship. all these things are me and i wont flaunt them , i wont tease others for not having what i have, i wont redicule, i wont hate. i will only accept who i am.

steriotypes are non-existant. emo, goth, are words that dont exist. they have been turned into a steriotype for judging people who have problems, or arent in the best living conditions. people who try to fit a frame that doesn't exist, only get lost on the path of finding it. people like that do exist, and when i see them i wonder, who are they really?

gangster is a term used only around haloween, ya thats right, we sometimes dress up like steriotypes. what a gangster really is is a person neglected love and care, and end up with people who are the first to recignize you as a person, aka your "home boys". they are fuled by the idea that when life treats you rough, treat it the same way. at my school, we dont partake in gangs, vandalism, or bashing of any sort because we all love each other and we charish the unique place we reside at for school. no matter how hard life is, we always know that school will be our safe haven from negative influence.

the word fag is never even mentioned because its derogatory and used so much to degrade other people. yes, we are people, and we are treated as such at my school. i love it soo much because i am able to express myself freely, knowing that there isnt anyone talking about me, or trying to hurt me, because they all support me. guys at my school, gay and straight, dont go up to eachother and say, " hey dog, whuts up. ai aight, peace", they go, " danny!!!!!!!* dramatic run, jump, hug*", and talk about living freely. each guy at my school is not showcasing himself to be accepted, each guy presents himself and simply lives the way they were made to. they dont have to fake, they dont have to be a steriotype, they just have to be themselves.

popularity. what kind of school doesnt have it. i will admit, their are popular kids, but there are only like400 kids at my school, with like 50 in each grade, how popular could you get? everyone who puts themself out there to live life to the fullest is well known at my school for not being afraid to express themselves. thats my definition of popular, and thats what most people are. the people that dont really like being caught up in everything ( the things you get caught in are positive!!!), get as known as they want to be. there also is no grade segragation. i hang out with seniors and juniors and 6th and 7th graders. age really doesent matter. there have even been relationships between kids 2 grades apart. sure thats kinda pushing it, but it happens. we all eat together at lunch, not in a big cafeteria ( we use church space and space across a street occupied by 2 other schools as a campus. we dont have a cafeteria. we all sit ether in the gardenish open area outside or in the big room with the stage in it. there are doors that connect both areas. we order food off of a truck {called the ralph's truck}), and we all talk to eachother. at lunch, i go around and talk to everyone^^

ok. now that the people are done, lets talk about the school.

my school was created only like mabe 20 years ago by a guy who is still living. he made the school because he thought the arts should be just as important as academics, which brings up my schedual.
scheduals are generally as such:
we goto are academic classes for the morning. then, after lunch, we goto our arts classes. we do all the insruments ( full orchestra, band, guitar, piano), choir ( our choirs are the bomb!XD), ballet, and drama. we have a partnership with a ballet school ( we go there for free{ the place is usually expensive, i went there for 3 years when i was younger}) and there is a thearter right across the street so we use that too.
my school ranges from 6th to 12th, and the people that stay all the way through have such a wonderful time. i started in 6th and im definitly staying all the way through.
the reason people leave is because the want the public school experience ( the aparently dont like knowing everyone), or there kicked out ( which only happened once so far, he brought firecrakers and set them off in the trash can. he has a sibling that goes here and my sister is friends with his sister. he is also very hot, actually, i saw him today! i gave him my number again so we could hang. hes straight but he is still really cool^^)

thats it for now, ill probly add some more later if i have the urge, my fingers are tired. peace.^^

vacation

2008-12-03T17:42:00.006-07:00

so as you know, i went to cali for the weekend to see family and have fun for thanksgiving. personally, i dont really like thanksgiving food so i didnt eat much, but the hilight of the trip was the fun i had at venice beach.
we chilled on the beach for a while, then me and my couseins ( ill add them to the friend ref later) went searching through the little shops and stuff there. the stuff was cool,( i bought 2 belts and a lamp^^), but the boys!!!!! ^^ i was in heaven! while iwas waiting for my cousin to buy her pizza, there was this guy right by me. cute face, cool style, sweet eyes. and he was staring right at me. he was only like 3 ft away! he was looking at me, and usually you would look away after the person looked at you, twice. he shyly just kept looking. i finally looked up a third time ( he was still staring) and smiled. he smiled back! i was going to go over and kinda talk to him, then i saw his father right next to me, staring at me too. his eyes said, what r u duing, so i backed off. so instead i smiled again, and walked. ( i dought i could keep a long distance relationship going, but he was soo hott!T^T). next there was this guy on a bike. i saw him alot during this day. he had dreamy grean blue eyes. the first time, he was just chilling and then i stood there, waiting for my cousin to come out of the bathroom, and i couldn't keep my eyes off of him. when i walked away, he was watching only me. then later, we were coming bak from chilling on the beach again, and i acidentally stood in the middle of the bike path and almost got hit. we were standing near it for a while, then all of the sudden, he is slowly riding by. he looks at me and automaticly just turns around and rides away. he was really shy.
as i was leaving, this guy that was walking in my direction spots me. he smiles and was staring at me so much, he tripped! that was a hilight of my trip aswell. he was alot older than me ( looked 22 ish) so i couldnt act on it, but i probly would have if i was older and wasnt with my cousins ( they dont know im gay yet).
so that was pretty much my trip. thanks for reading.

~character list~

2008-12-03T16:52:00.007-07:00

hey, im sorry i havent talked in a while. ive been busy with alot. before i talk about my vacation, let me add some more characters to my life.
friends:

i have the coolest friends in the world! even though i have so many ( everyone is my friendXD), i will always and forever love my group.

Ashely~ the only person i got back in touch with after my 5 years in ballet. she introduced me to everyone else in this section.

Shelby~ she is one of the coolest people i know and there is no dought in my mind that i will know her for the rest of my life. black foo's fo life^^

verity~ she is my only Korean friend and the best i could ever have. in just these past 2 quarters, i have gotten so close to her that i will never want to live without her in my life. she is the one that gave me the awsum nickname of kawaii-chan^^!!

emily~ just like VT, i have gotten so close to her and all three of us make an awsum asian loving, character drawing bunch! shes the sweetest girl ever. the only problem is that she cant trust boys, cuz she s scared she will get hurt. ive tried to help her commit, but it only gets so far. shes let go of 2 great guys, and i hope this pattern doesent continue, i want her to be happy!^^

sabrina~ she is my friend for life! i love the gurl and what can i say, SHE IS THE SHIZ!

Family:

mom- my mom is a child psychologist and she would completely understand and be fine with it if i told her i was gay. she is hard to deal with at times ( the understands children so i cant get away with anything) but i love her regardless.

dad- my mom and dad got divorced but i see him almost every weekend. they broke up only because my dad wanted to travel and my mom isnt really that type. they still communicate so thats good. there like friends almost. anyway, my dad works with computers, delivers luggage, and works for a journal about electronics. he is soo cool, i luv him lotz!

brother- im pretty sure he knows im gay ( he walked in on me and some material, more than once) and he's dealing with it pretty well. he is my exact opposite in just about everything except for the love of games, music, and fun.

sister- what can i say, she is really annoying but she is still my sister

step dad- he is into the arts, we have conversations, and he uses me as inspiration in most art things he does.^^

others:
these are still friends mostly, just not my main chums^^

shane- he is 2 years younger than me but he is still amazing. i would say i like him, he is one person i can have an actual normal conversation with. he is truely a really sweet guy and he is really cute. i love the way he smiles^^he is in my choir class. i helped get him a girlfriend. hes really bad with girls!!xD but unlike anthony, hes a rly good kid, and i kno he can atleast become a professional model!!xD

anthony- he is 2 years younger than me and really cute. he is more of a trouble maker, but that just adds to the cuteness of him. he has a wonderful body and a really boyish personality. i like him too^^ . i realized that looks dont completely matter. its whats inside that counts. inside, hes as rotten as ever... ive severed contact.

gabe- he is also 2 years younger, he thinks of me as a role model, i luv his eyes. he is in my choir class. he invited me as the only 9th grader to his barmitsfa(spelled wrong?) and thinks of me as kindof a role model. hes a good kid^^

jan ( yon)- he is a potential boyfriend and a pretty cool person. the bi guy in my grade asked him out and he said he wasnt gay, but that could have been because of ( reasons stated below)
(recent): i dont like him that much anymore. he went out with a black girl and his parents made them brake up because they dont like back people...>.> he also really isnt gay. i cant believe it eather, but he went bi for me!!!!!8D, ill explain in later post!!

kinkaid- aka bi guy. he is really creepy. he comes from a strict Cristian background and thats probly a part of it. he is just not likable because, it seems to me, he thinks of himself as worthless so he praises other people too much and takes everything too seriously. sierra ( below) makes fun of him and he encourages it just to be known. im one of the nicest people you'd meet at my school, but he i just sickening. another thing is that because i am a really good singer and im asked to do alot because of it, im trying to upstage him and prove im better. i pretty much am ( not bragging, i hate bragging about myself) but i dont flaunt it. with a gift from god that i have, why would i ever parade it around when it was given to serve.
the way he came out was at a party with the gossip kings and Queens from my school who anyone with common sense would never tell a secret. the next day, everyone knew and it made him kindof happy in a way. he just has it bad and on top of that needs attention. i know i seem harsh but i tell what i observe and i think its just sad. he liked jan... and hes gunna be jealous...

sierra- she is a more than amazing singer ( by far better than me) and has an enormous personality. its kind of much right now, but when we get older, it will be soo much fun to hang with her.

emmi- she is such a cool person and i love her to death. multipal guys wanted her at my school. one still does, even though he knows now that she is a lesbian. she has a girl friend who at first i thought was a bitch but now i think shes pretty cool. that might be because im on her good side... im starting not to like her much. shes kinda.. a bitch. she thinks im stuped or sumpthin. im sick of it....

katcha- her real name is katie but she likes katcha better.^^ i also love her to death and i will probably know her for the rest of my life. shes going out with danny ( youll understant the significance later). dumped him, now with alex!!^^

eric- the straight love of my life. he knows i like him and hes ok with it; its like a boosted friendship^^

alex- if youve read the section devoted to him, you would already know the general. (recent) alex has given up on katcha, he still thinks about her, but its lessened. now danny, one of his best friends, is going out with her. hes fine with it but it happened really fast and now he kinda feels like a loser. news!!! katcha dumped the danny loser, and decided to take a chance on alex!!!!!! its sofar been the best thing for him^^, im soo happy and love them both to death. their such a cute couple!!^^

i will add more later, so just use these as references when i talk about them i the future^^

2008-11-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

im going on vacation to cali, ill tell about it when i get back.

.//kyros

Alex~

2008-11-23T01:02:00.003-07:00

now i know what could be thought, why am i posingone whole thing about one person. well, the truth is, i love him. he is also my best friend. he likes ( likes is an understatement, hes ubsessd.)this girl who is a friend of mine. during the show, the big black box ( the one i was taking about earlier), everyones everything came out. at that time we were friends, all three of us.

the open facts were:

i was gay
he was not
he liked her
she wanted to be friends
he was( still kinda is) obsessed
she is fed up with him
im the negotiator between them
they are some of my best friends, and now i cant hang with both of them together anymore

the internal ones were:

i started to fall in love with him
she could have ben with him, but he was just too mch to start with, she gave up the idea
he is living a rough life and he needs all the good things he can get
he has been rejected by love soo many times
he takes rejection very seriously
he thinks of himself as a lowly person
" to live is to love, to love is to live, so if i cant love, why am i still living..." he said that...
he treats me like he should treat a girlfriend, but somehow it doesnt come out right with them
i told him " id stay with you forever" and he knows its true
he denies that my feelings could ever be when i say i love him

i go for cute guys, and not just on the outside, but on the inside. he charishes me as a friend soo much, even though he is straight ( do think i stuped, i know him really well) he offered to give me my first kiss. how could you get sweeter than that. ive also done more things with him than with any other guy:

i sit in his lap alot
fingers through his hair
he gives me piggy back rides, even though im his size
ive held his hand( like couples do)
ive shared a lolipop with him
ive shared a fork with him
ive shared icecream with him
ive shared a meal with him
ive given him a lapdance before ( dont judge me, im not a slut!XD)
ive slow danced with him
i even have a gay senior and a lesbian sophmore spying on us when one of us has to goto the bathroom and the other followsXD ( we really dont do anyhing)

once again, let me note that i go to a special school. there is no bias, no bulying, only a couple of kids that are really talked about ( and they brought it upon themselves), and the number one most important part, if your not open to gay, wether you are or not, you wont get very far socially with most people. that is what i mean when i say we are an open society and i am so priveledged to go here.

now that you kindof know the story, please let me know your ideas.

sincerely,

.//kyros

my week~ what a ride!!!

2008-11-23T00:38:00.003-07:00

so it started out with homework, as usual. then on wednsday i had a rebooting period. i was soo down i even wrote a poem:

i look in the mirror and what do i see,

a poser is trying to pose just as me,

but if i am the poser; the poser is me,

then who is the poser trying to be?

ya, i know, depressing. the all the sudden BANG!! my life got soo much more exciting!
i went to thespian conference on friday to perform a one act ( i played an alluring box who consumes people by stripping them of there inner morals, belongings, and utter dignity until finally, i eat them. :X such a fun play!^^) and there were soo many beautiful gay guys i was almost consumed myself!XD it went great, we got a superior and were by far better than most performances the judges had seen in years! then afterwards, i had to leave ( im not a thespian yet but if i get into the school play, i will be come spring!!^^) and i partied on a bench with my friend alex. did i mention my friend alex? ill get to him next post. so any way, we have fun there, then i get picked up and taken to a singing competiton. i thought i did my songs pretty well ( i sung thou swell from my conneticut yankee, and wheels of a dream from ragtime) so i went home and ate. i come back the next day for a workshop ( it was soo much fun, anyways), then we got the news. there was a tie for third place ( one of my friends and this other kid) then they said there was no second place!!!! and nither me or my other friend had been called up yet. so, turns out they thought we both were so great we got a tie for 1st!!
then we went to my moms co-worker's wedding reception,( and ate all the food!). i came home and played games with my brother. and now im here.
thx for those who took the time to read, until next tme, salut^^
.//kyros

step 1; people who just want to talk^ ^

2008-11-19T23:11:00.003-07:00

i need people who will want to discuss random topics like:
* which blue do you like best on a wall
* why are cows a jumpstart to a conversation
* who likes french ( j'aime le francais XD)

so anyone with interests, i can probably math them so plz talk to me^^!

Opening Night

2008-11-19T22:08:00.005-07:00

Welcome, welcome young and old to a show filled with the experienced naieve concience of an adolecent mind. now let me assure you, this show wil not be in the least bit boring, so sit back, relax, and enjoy.^^